


Metronome

by radioqueen



Category: Rover Red: Alone in Apocalypse (Podcast)
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 18:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10496508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radioqueen/pseuds/radioqueen
Summary: E.V.i.E helps Slade improve his... performance.





	

"One last time?" Slade raised an eyebrow.

"You say that every time," Sasha said, but she was already removing her garments.

"Lieutenant Slade?" E.V.i.E. asked.

"Shut up, E.V.i.E."

Sasha pulled herself onto the table, and Slade knelt in front of her. She spread her legs and put her hand on his head, grabbing a handful of hair and yanking. Slade lapped at her wetness. Sasha moaned.

E.V.i.E. spoke up. "I've analyzed her voice, and there is an 87% chance that Sasha is not genuinely enjoying your attempt at cunnilingus."

Slade rolled his eyes and kept on, more determined this time.

"Wow." Sasha pushed him away for a moment. "Take it easy. That hurts."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"There's now a 99% chance—"

"Shut up, E.V.i.E."

Sasha released him, and Slade resumed licking like he'd first done. Sasha was tense now, the mood disrupted.

"She does not seem to be responding well to your ministrations," E.V.i.E. observed.

"Okay, that's it!" Slade heaved himself up.

"What?" Sasha seemed amused by his frustration.

"My E.V.i.E. unit is being sassy. I'm going to show her how it's done. Care to lie back?"

"It bothers you that much?" Sasha reclined with a shrug. "I guess showing off for an E.V.i.E. unit isn't the strangest thing we've ever done."

Slade pulled her to the edge of the table by her hips. She rested her ankles on his shoulders while Slade lined himself up and plunged in.

"Ohh, yes, Slade!" Sasha smirked at him. "You're so big and hard. You fuck better than anyone."

"I believe she's making fun of you," E.V.i.E. said.

"I can see that, E.V.i.E. Thanks."

Slade closed his eyes and concentrated on thrusting as hard and deep as he could. That would show E.V.i.E. how it was done.

"Ow," Sasha said. "Calm down."

"I've calculated a 99.7% chance that your attempts at intercourse are highly unpleasant for Sasha."

Slade groaned and kept going, more careful now.

"Your movements are highly erratic," E.V.i.E. said. "Would you like me to start a metronome for you?"

"SHUT UP, E.V.I.E.!" Slade shouted.

E.V.i.E. fell silent. Deep inside Slade's head, a metronome began ticking.

"E.V.i.E., turn this metronome off right now!" Slade grimaced as he began to deflate inside Sasha. "E.V.i.E.!"

"I'm sorry, you told me to shut up," E.V.i.E. said. "Goodbye."

Sasha put her foot on Slade's chest and pushed him away. "Forget it," she said. "Maybe we'll have better luck next last time."

She hopped up, leaving Slade to dress in abject humiliation.


End file.
